100,000 BC: stone tools, 

4000 BC: the wheel,

9th century AD: Gundpowder, a bit of a gamechanger that one,

19th century, The lightbulb,

20th Century: The automobile, television, nuclear weapons, space craft, internet, 

21st Century, EUREKA!:  The Wipeless Poop. 

Pooping has changed. It's no longer about what you eat, how often you eat, or your medical history. The ass, and its consumption of toilet paper, has become a well-oiled machine. Pooping has changed. Psyllium husks inside bodies enhance and regulate all activities. Pooping control. Pooping size. Pooping regularity. Pooping comfort. Everything is monitored, and kept under control. The age of deterrence has become an age of control. All in the name of averting catastrophe from sudden bouts of needing to crap at the bar. When the bathroom is under total control, pooping… becomes routine.

2013-04-30

Strength through purity, purity through faith.

"Þe knyȝt mad ay god chere,

And sayde, 'Quat schuld I wonde?

Of destinés derf and dere

What may mon do bot fonde?'"* 

I have a headache. Poop.

*mediocre translation:

The knight made a good cheer,

And said, ' What should I do?

Whether destiny be foul or fair,

What may man do but dare?' "

2013-04-29 (switching to ISO standard date)

*/
A friend commented:

As much as I enjoyed this one, it makes no mention of poop quality.

And he's absolutely right. Today's victory was swift; a battle against a much smaller foe. Yet, when the corpse was felled, little mark was made. Swift, clean, glorious. We can only hope this luck extends to the greater struggles ahead.

*/

Oh, Henry!

"Once more unto the breach, dear friends, once more;

Or clog the seat up with our fallen dead;

In peace there's nothing so becomes a man,

As modest stillness and humility:

But when the horns of war blow in our stomachs,

Then imitate the action of the tiger;

Stiffen the sinews, summon up the courage."

The troops came out today in full force; hail our English dead. Their burial was swift and messy; no sign from God nor shafts from heaven smiled on us this day. But we will not forsake the faith.

28-04-2013

Ambrosia

I sipped the Ambrosia last night. Nervous, but excited, I fell asleep. I woke up today no different than I fell asleep - and it was not until this evening that I felt the first strikes of Hephaestus' hammer. The crafting had begun, a transformation inside me, a thing of perfection. Present, but not uncomfortable, the feeling grew. I wasn't sure what to expect. And then, like a flower blossoming, I was ready. I assumed the porcelain throne, and prepared to become a king. For a moment, I was Thetis, dipping my creation into holy water. And, then, NO! Achilles! Something was wrong. Had I not taken in enough of the Nectar of the Gods? Flourishing and beautiful, but not perfect; Soft like angelskin and firm like myrmidon's iron will, a body like an ox but with an elegant movement like a horse - and yet unfulfilling of the prophecies. I sent him out to be buried at sea.

27-04-2013

At first, there was nothing but a slow growing dream

Psyllium Husk. That's what this blog is going to be about. A log of logs if you will. This is my contribution to the world.